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Dating Quotes

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If you think there are no new frontiers,
watch a boy ring the front doorbell
on his first date.

Dating is primarily a numbers game....
People usually go through
a lot of people to find good relationships.
That's just the way it is.

I've been on so many blind dates,
I should get a free dog.

I once dated a girl on the track team.
It didn't work out.
She kept giving me the runaround.

I date this girl for two years
- and then the nagging starts:
I wanna know your name.

Dating is pressure and tension.
What is a date, really,
but a job interview that lasts all night?

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How many of you have ever started dating
because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

Whenever I want a really nice meal,
I start dating again.

I'm dating a woman now who,
evidently, is unaware of it.

Dating is just awkward moments
and one person wants more than the other.
It's just that constant strangeness.
I think it's a very real thing.

Internet dating is the fastest,
most efficient way
to gather a pool of qualified candidates.
It could take you a lifetime
to do the investigation
that the computer comes up with in seconds.

Let's face it:
a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night.
The only difference between
a date and a job interview is:
not many job-interviews is there a chance
you'll end up naked at the end of it.

My philosophy of dating
is to just fart right away.

In its purest form,
dating is auditioning for mating
(and auditioning means
we may or may not get the part).

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Nothing defines humans
better than their willingness
to do irrational things in the pursuit
of phenomenally unlikely payoffs.
This is the principle behind
lotteries, dating, and religion.

My computer dating bureau
came up with a perfect gentleman.
Still, I've got another three goes.

Bisexuality immediately doubles
your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Watching your daughter
being collected by her date
feels like handing over
a million dollar to a gorilla.

Dating is not a great way
to "really get to know someone."
Why? Because everyone
is on best behavior during a date.
If you really want to get to know someone,
watch the person at school every day,
or both of you get
a job together at McDonald's.
Eight straight hours over
a hot greaser full of fries
will tell you the real tale.


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