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Funny Dating Quotes

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I have no luck with women.
I once went on a date and asked the woman
if she'd brought any protection.
She pulled a switchblade on me.

Dating is a numbers game,
and online dating has the best odds.

I'm dating a woman now who,
evidently, is unaware of it.

Everyone says that looks don't matter,
age doesn't matter,
money doesn't matter.
But i never met a girl yet
who has fallen in love
with an old ugly man who's broke.

There are three possible parts to a date,
of which at least two must be offered:
entertainment, food, and affection.
It is customary to begin a series of dates
with a great deal of entertainment,
a moderate amount of food,
and the merest suggestion of affection.
As the amount of affection increases,
the entertainment can be
reduced proportionately.
When the affection IS the entertainment,
we no longer call it dating.
Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

Related : Flirty quotes

I've dated men my age,
younger than me and older.
The only difference is the young ones
are quicker at taking out the garbage.

Never date a woman
whose father calls her 'Princess.'
Chances are she believes it.

Employees make the best dates.
You don't have to pick them up
and they're always tax-deductible.

About age 30 most women
think about having children,
most men think about dating them.

I want a man who
is kind and understanding.
Is that too much to
ask of a millionaire?

I've dated the sweet mama's boy,
the musician rocker, the struggling artist
- basically a lot of people without jobs.

I only date stewardesses.
Or maybe it just seems that way.
Women always seem to be showing me the exits.

Related : Married quotes

I was dating a guy
for a while because
he told me he had
an incurable disease.
I didn't realize it was stupidity.

If you kiss on the first date and it's not right,
then there will be no second date.
Sometimes it's better to hold out
and not kiss for a long time.
I am a strong believer in kissing being very intimate,
and the minute you kiss,
the floodgates open for everything else.

Always remember this:
'A kiss will never miss,
and after many kisses
a miss becomes a misses'.

Sometimes I wonder
if love is worth fighting for.
Then I think of you,
and I am ready for war.

A man on a date wonders if he'll get lucky.
The woman already knows.

I'm dating a homeless woman.
It was easier talking her into staying over.


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