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Funny Marriage Quotes

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If divorce has increased
by one thousand percent,
don't blame the women's movement.
Blame the obsolete sex roles
on which our marriages were based.

To get the full value of joy
You must have someone to divide it with.

A bachelor is a man
who never makes
the same mistake once.

What a happy and holy fashion
it is that those who love one another
should rest on the same pillow.

I have always considered marriage
as the most interesting event of one's life,
the foundation of happiness or misery.

Many people marry for the wrong reasons, among them
1) to overcome loneliness,
2) to escape an unhappy parental home,
3) because they think that everyone is expected to marry,
4) because only "losers" who
can't find someone to marry stay single,
5) out of a need to parent,
or be parented by another person,
6) because they got pregnant,
7) because "we fell in love,"
... and on goes the list.

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We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

The husband who wants
a happy marriage should learn
to keep his mouth shut
and his checkbook open.

You need only do three things
in this country to avoid poverty
- finish high school,
marry before having a child,
and marry after the age of 20.
Only 8 percent of the families
who do this are poor;
79 percent of those
who fail to do this are poor.

A man’s wife has more power
over him than the state has.

A woman might as well propose:
her husband will claim she did.

Marriage, n.
A community consisting of a master,
a mistress, and two slaves,
making in all two.

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Wives are young men's mistresses,
companions for middle age,
and old men's nurses.

Marriage is the only war
in which you sleep with the enemy.

In my house I’m the boss,
my wife is just the decision maker.

Political promises are
much like marriage vows.
They are made at the beginning
of the relationship between candidate and voter,
but are quickly forgotten.

My husband said he needed more space.
So I locked him outside.

Marriage is like a hot bath.
Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.

A happy man marries the girl he loves;
a happier man loves the girl he marries.


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